Service Array:
Individual Skill Development and Enhancement
Growing up I was always one of the “weird kids”. My peers were able to tell there was something different about me long before I could, and I was frequently picked on because of my unusual mannerisms and interests. I socialized easily with others like me but got increasingly alienated from most people the older I got, and over the years my self-esteem and confidence were slowly chipped away. At the same time I began discovering I was transgender, but struggled to come to terms with my identity for years. My gender dysphoria made me completely detached from myself and feel even more different than I already did, and my little remaining self-esteem vanished.
These factors combined with my oddness being heavily influenced by untreated mental health issues led me to develop severe anxiety and depression, and I began self-harming regularly. I tried coping by escaping into my favorite hobbies, art projects and video games, but nothing was as enjoyable as it used to be and reality always came crashing back. I became suicidal, which got me to finally start therapy and medication, but despite many attempts at each nothing really seemed to help, and before I knew it I’d flunked out of my first semester at college. I took this as an opportunity to do extended partial hospitalization and intensive outpatient treatment, found long-term treatment that at least sort of worked, and eventually got stable enough to give college a second try.
With a newfound understanding of how my brain works, I was able to better connect with others who shared my experiences with mental health and gender. I still struggled a lot, but with their support I slowly learned to work with my differences instead of against them and rebuilt the self-acceptance I had lost. I also built up the courage to transition, and began to finally feel like myself again. My mental health treatment was and still is crucial to my wellbeing, but it’s the support of others who share in what I’ve been through that allows me to live today actively enjoying life instead of just powering through it. My hope is that as a mentor I can be a similar source of support for those who see themselves in my story.